when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
