The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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