I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Is Oprah even human
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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