you would pick up someone in the library
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
