God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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