I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
