and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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