Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
