We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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