babies were throwing up all over the place
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
