If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
