Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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