What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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