she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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