when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
