did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
