he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
