No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
