She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
