I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
