If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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