If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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