she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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