found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
