tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
