At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
