Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
