Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
