I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
