the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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