i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Are we still banned from the library?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
