dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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