My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
