I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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