This is not my ceiling
my mouth tastes like poor choices
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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