Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
