she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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