Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
