Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
