If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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