everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
