guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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