And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
