We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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