I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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