I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
