need another drink. this is the easiest way
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
