I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
