why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
