ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Let's get the cat blown out
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
