I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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