I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
